Part 5 of My Story & Testimony is finally up! Please feel free to share my true story of addiction :)

I can relate……

CNY Recovery Coach

Please click link to view My Story & Testimony .  And don’t forget, sharing is caring!  Please, please share this!  You never know who may be struggling with an addiction or just hard times in life.  Be the one to help spread the word, this is a really bad illness that needs to be placed in the light by us all.  Many many thanks to each and every one of you!

It's exhausting

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I am an addict in everything

I am addicted to alcohol.  I am addicted to drugs.  I am addicted to work.  I am addicted to my family.  I am addicted to Candy Crush.  I am also addicted to the NFL.  I was a cheerleader for an NFL team.  It was love.  I am addicted to Fantasy Football.  I am now realizing I am addicted to The Draft.  The past few days have been crazy….  I watch all NFL draft shows.  I read all stats.  I feel like it is Christmas Eve.  I am a female and I put gron men to shame with my knowledge.  I don’t play fantasy for fun.  I play to win….  I am worse than Cameron Diaz in Any Given Sunday.  I know I won’t sleep tonight with the draft staring tomorrow.  This is the one addiction I am not willing to give up…..  I am crossing my fingers Manziel will go pick number eight.

Vulnerable

Ditto.

trying to make things right

Me Me My little ones My little ones We are all sensitive about something, and with me i am the most sensitive about my ability to be a good mother, it is one of my biggest fears that my children will grow up and feel the same about me as i do my mother. My mother was never there for me, i remember one specific incident where i had not seen or talked to my mother for a couple months, and i would call her house and cry and plead with her to answer the phone. I missed my mom so much, i would talk and beg on her answering machine until it cut me off. well one day my grandmother(my moms mom) kept me over night because my dad had to work, and when she heard me talking and crying she was furious. so she put me in the car and drove me…

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David Feherty and my road trip

I love David Feherty! Thanks for this post….. I also struggle with judgement from my family. My mother is a pill popping drunk (like me) and when I went to treatment, she told me I was the biggest disappointment of her life. Now, no one in my immediate family speaks to me since admitting I am an addict/alcoholic…. My family is not invited to holidays or get togethers because of me. The ones that should support you the most can hurt you the most. Now I am an outcast……

SOBERLEARNING

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Since I married my husband, I have become a bit of a golf fan.  I won’t watch all 4 days of a tournament, but if it is on at 5pm on a Sunday afternoon, and I am sitting there, I will pay attention.

My favorite part of golf is the Irish announcer, David Feherty.  He has a fabulous sense of humor and actually makes a serious game funny.  He is actually so funny, The Golf Channel gave him his own show.  He interviews various pro golfers and other notables who enjoy the game of golf.

David Feherty is in recovery.  He was a raging alcoholic and drug addict.  He suffers from debilitating booze filled depression and depression fueled booze.  He was misdiagnosed and treated for bi polar disorder.  When he won the Scottish Open in 1986, he promptly went on a bender and lost the trophy, the oldest trophy in…

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Normal people work sober???

When I went to rehab (in the middle of nowhere Minnesota), I basically lost my job.  I was a bar manager so I was done regardless.  I worked at the same place for fourteen years.  It is a very upscale and very popular with the locals.  It is also a place where celebrities would go.  I have hung out with Michael Jordan to U2.  I have done shots with professional athletes and blow with rock stars.  I felt like I was always on stage.  I had a pretty awesome career….  Fast forward two years…Then came the recession…

My husband and I started to lose control of our finances and I am one to hide from dealing with reality.  Our mortgage in 2008 was 1200.  We took the kids to Disney and came home to find out our mortgage had gone up to 2400.  We were on an ARM mortgage scale.  We tried our best, but ended up losing our home and filing bankruptcy.  Can you even imagine thinking you might be homeless with two babies????  I got prescribed ambien, Xanax and Effexor that year.  I just wanted to mentally check out.  I also started to drink.  A lot.  In the beginning of 2009, I attempted suicide.  I was a failure to everyone.  And what mother can’t keep a roof over her kids heads?  I got the 72 hour hold in the looney bin and vowed to put on my big girl panties and own the situation.  I found us a brand new house that was for rent.  It was gorgeous.  Well, the owner went into foreclosure and did not tell us!  How could this happen again??  Long story short, I used my one gift God gave me and that is people skills.  I went to the bank that owned the mortgage and met w the president.  He actually sold the house to us and we are still here to this day.

back to my career.  While all of this was going on, I started to self medicate while working.  My personal life was too much to think about.  And, I told no one because  iwas ashamed.  I was snorting adderall to stay awake, drinking to take the edge off, Xanax was like tic tacs and when I got home at night,I would wash down 4-6 ambien with wine.  I did all of that at work.

i am now back in management and opening a new restaurant in 9 days.  I am remaining sober, but white knuckling it.  I can do this sober. I can do this sober.  I can……

i want to be a normal sober worker.  I better get to a meeting…….

Xoxo

One more thing about me, no joke..

I forgot to mention what my husband does for a living…..  Ready?  He is a regional manager for high end wineries out of Napa!  Talk about a daily trigger!  I struggle, but lean on my support system.  My counselor at Hazelden said that was a first for her…  I guess it could be worse.  He is not a pharmacist!

Off to a meeting….